Almost certain failure, but I feel ok
Got some feedback. There is skill gap btw what I have and what is required for the job.
This is bad, meaning most likely an improvement program and potential exit afterwards.
Funny how things turn out.
I was so sure that this job would be the perfect new beginning for me and I went all in from Day 1.
But it is what is it.
Funny how quickly people realize their limits.
I always believed that I could do any job given the opportunity.
Now it seems that I have reached my ceiling. And that ceiling is not even high.
But I wont just accept it. I knew all along that one failure would not mean the end of the world.
I am not giving up. I will keep going and push that ceiling, here or not, one way or another.
But what feels strange is that I feel ok.
If this happened a few years back, I would have done below two things, probably repeatedly.
- Working my ass off — not really caring about the outcome, just so that I feel better because I can trick myself into believing that I am trying my best
- Blaming myself to death
But I had none of that this time.
I still keep trying after getting the feedback, learning everything I could, but not too hard.
I still express my hope and commitment to make it work, but only as what it is — I can be useful to the firm if I make it, not trying to impress anyone by pledging myself to their causes.
I still care about the results, but not too much to disturb my inner peace.
I think this is growth.
What happens next is out of my hand.
I can only try my best for the next few weeks — this should be good enough for me.